We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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