Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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