i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
