I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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