We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
