she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
