Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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