You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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