How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
