So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
