but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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