hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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