I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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