found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
