I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Found your dick twin last night
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
