if i can run in heels then i can drive
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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