Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Barsexuality is the new black.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
