There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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