i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
