Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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