Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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