OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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