found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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