Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
