I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
