it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
