i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Barsexuality is the new black.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
