Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
