I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
