she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
