Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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