it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's blow job season.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize