I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
