Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
