Midget sex pt 2 tonight
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
