we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
