Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
