Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Randomize
