So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
