Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just tell him i said nine months
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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