Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
