On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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