I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
