My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.