Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos