so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE