So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.