I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
