I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize