If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
