we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb