He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
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My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.