I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend