I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.