I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
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The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
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this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....