we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.