Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
