I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
