fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
