Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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