she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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