Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
