I didn't shave. On purpose
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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