god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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