So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
