New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
