the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
