Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
How did I end up in the pool?!
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Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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