I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
