have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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