You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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