Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
